Stalkers...

[Hard Rock]

Seven years ago plus a few months, I broke up with my long time girlfriend Nikki. We'd been together since a couple of months after her sisters death... about 5 years or so. Ever since I broke up with her, she has made it her mission to stalk me. She'll put heavy pressure on for few weeks or so then disappear back into the shadows for a while to emerge again later.

Usually she'll just leave nude picture of herself on my truck or she'll drop a video tape of herself off at my house with a very blatent message that she wants me... sigh.

Well, two days ago, she started her cycle again. This time it's different however. This morning, she was in the parking lot waiting for me to arrive at work. I ignored her and went inside. Now, just a few minutes ago, she called my cell phone (no, I don't know how she got the number) and told me to get the present off of the hood of my truck. I go outside to my truck to find a large box on the hood. Upon opening it, I find a few pieces of lingere along with a large photo album filled with copies of all the pictures she's sent me over the years... plus some of when we were together.

I've discussed this situation with my wife, the police, among others. At this point, I'm at a loss of how to deal with her. I know she has a lot of emotional issues and I do have a lot of sympathy for her. I don't want her to get hurt and I don't want her life to be ruined but I have to do something.

Talk about being pensive about a subject... this has really gotten to me lately. Today after flipping through the album, I just felt like disappearing for a decade or so... unfortunately, I can't do that.

So, what do I do? :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

Mike

[krept]

Damn, that's crazy. Does she think that by doing what she is doing that you might want her back in your life? Or do your feelings even matter to her (i.e. she wants you for purely selfish reasons)? Have you actually sat down and tried to rationally talk to her?

I'd check out some info regarding the psychology behind stalking. I mean... with nude photos and stuff like that, she's taking some big, desperate steps. I'd also watch out for her to be thinking about your wife, I mean... this lady could think that with your wife out of the way, you might get back together with you. One thing that you might want to consider is setting up a meeting with you, her and someone she would consider an objective third party like a counselor and have her outline exactly what her intentions with you are. Maybe she's got serious psychological problems or maybe she simply wants to be the one that finally ends the relationship. Dunno... tough stuff.

Again, if you truly have sympathy for her a good talk might be the best thing. I think ignoring her is just going to feed the fire.

[Wylycoyte]

Again, if you truly have sympathy for her a good talk might be the best thing. I think ignoring her is just going to feed the fire.

On the contrary, I think any amount of attention will just cause her to redouble her efforts.

[Hard Rock]

Both of you just hit the nail on the head with my concerns...

ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH.

There, I feel better now.

Mike

[41mag]

Hard Rock?Are her parents still around?It sounds like her chemicals are a bit...off.Could they(or another family member-sister?)convince her to get "treatment" at a facility-for-those-with-a-mental-problem?

What about a restraining order?Is she capable,as krept indicated,of violence towards your family?

[Hard Rock]

Her parents were killed when she was very young. Her uncle has been her primary guardian ever since... Unfortunately, he isn't available to help. He's out of the country for an extended period.

Her only sister passed away a long time ago. She alone here and I think that is part of the problem. It's also part of the reason that I just don't want to drop the legal boom on her if I can avoid it. Nikki grew up in Russia and came over to the US in 1988 as a young girl. I think that is part of the problem as well... different cultures.

I mean hell, the girl can get just about any guy she wants if she really wanted to but she has this fixation on me... I just can't figure it out. She's not poor by any means, she's very beautiful, and she is quite independant. I just can't be with her after our past together... It really hurts to see her like this but I can't really help her. At least, I don't know how I can.

Mike

[BigEd63]

Mike- She needs help only thing is if you try it won't work as you are the one she's obsessed with.

Even if it takes the law to intervene she needs help.

This is getting out of hand.

[RIKA]

I wouldn't be caught alone with somebody stalking me for a minute, even with a third party present. Could you maybe talk to a police psychologist or psychiatrist who is familiar with the stalker mind. A woman stalker can be more dangerous to a man than a male stalker to a woman. She could claim attempted rape or whatever. Even if you're proven innocent in a court of law your reputation would be stained forever.

I really don't know anything to help. You will be in my prayers to help get this thing solved quickly.

RIKA

[Hard Rock]

Erika, it's been going on for so long that I'm numb to it now... I've got a bunch of evidence that shows what she has been doing but the cops can't really do much... like one said... hell, if a girl wants to give you nude pics of herself, why complain? Only if she attempts physical harm can I do anything... I keep making reports and they keep filing them... that is all I can do. I am just out of ideas to stop it.

Mike

[RIKA]

Thats where faith comes in. Your wife supports you. You have evidence. The police are aware of it. What else can you do. I would avoid her like the plague and watch my back.

Good thoughts.

RIKA

[John in AR]

...I keep making reports and they keep filing them...

Whether or not it's the 'only' thing to do, I can't say, but it's certainly an important thing to do. Have the pattern of behavior documented in case things get ugly sometime.

Beyond that, I can't say, except that you might want to revise your opinion of her personality. Based on her actions and obsession, calling her "independent" sounds like a potential mistake.

[Hard Rock]

Something I should probably mention... I've known her since I was 12... that's over 20 years... I know her very intimately... Our break up wasn't a nice one... I was hurt very deeply but I still do care for her. If I didn't, this wouldn't be an issue now at all.

Mike

[John in AR]

Understandable; it's easier to protect yourself from someone you don't care about.

(Check PM's)

[Kent]

Be very very careful. Stalkers can kill. I know this from personal experience. Please dont brush this situation off.

People that you think you know can do some very strange things, things you never would have expected from them.

[Coyote]

My advice would be to talk to a psychologist about the mentality involved and ask for some pointers so that if it does come to a confrontation, verbal or otherwise, you'll know what to say and do. Or if you should say anything at all.

Be careful and good luck. The longer you leave it the more likely it is to become a routine in her life, a rut in the road if you will. Try to solve it ASAP.

[Hard Rock]

Well, I'll let you guys know what happens... I'm going to take a few days off... See ya monday sometime...

Mike

[SatCong]

HR,
"Every breath you take, Every step you make... I'll be watchin' you" What makes a hit song makes a lousey living situation!
Good luck, I know stalkers are a scarey thing to have to include in one's life.
SatCong

[Hard Rock]

Update on Nikki... Well she tried something stupid and is paying the price for it. Last night, she decided to follow me home from work. She tried to keep up with me as I merged into traffic and she t-boned a semi. She is in the hospital and will be there for a few days at least.

Sigh.

Mike

[Kent]

Please be careful, and dont let your guard down.

[krept]

LOL @ T-boning a semi and only being in the hospital for a couple days. I've seen people get decapitated from that.

She's starting to sound like the Terminator.

[Aslan]

Get an Atty - get a restraining order forbidding her to come anywhere near you. Claim mental anguish, interference with your work, whatever - your Atty can help you there.

File the order.

At this point the police will not be able to ignore any complaints.

If she persists after this, you can seek to have the court require that she undergo a psych evaluation. They may choose to have her committed.

This is drastic, but it may also be the only way to help her.

It's not a light decision, and I'm very glad it isn't me in the hot seat.

You will have to separate the issue of hurting her (putting her through the process) and helping her. You may have to put her through hell to help her - while helping yourself at the same time.

:devil: