Classified Ads

Newspapers must love unexpected humor from the public.
Here are a few real classified ads run in various newspaper across the
country.


Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

Free puppies... part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

German shepherd, 85 lbs. neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out awhile... better
be a reward.

1-man, 7-woman hot tub - $850/or best offer

Snow blower for sale... only used on snowy days.

Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.

Nordictrack $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Hummers - largest selection ever - "If it's in stock, we have it!"

Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents/lb.

Nice parachute: never opened - used once.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and
flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer, $300.

Alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember.

Open house: body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts.

For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45
volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last month. Wife knows everything.