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have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.



SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."



THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.



FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.



FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
***************************************************

I am really happy she is not my wife!

All the best,
GB
 

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Glenn Bartley said:
FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
I bet if you went into the parking lot of the bank, there was a spanking happening that you could hear from 1/2 mile away. Probably lasted at least an hour.
 

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Reply to the "bet you wished you--"

Every year since he turned 5, little Billy and his mom went to the soda fountain at the corner drug store and Billy got a sundae on his birthday. When he turned 10, he got a cowboy outfit, hat, vest, chaps, 2 cap-guns in holsters, the whole nine yards. Billy's mom had a dentist appointment, so she left Billy looking at comic books and told the gal, a very busty blonde at the soda counter that her son would soon come over and act out a "hold-up" to try out his new outfit- and she paid for his treat and left. Billy walks over, pulls out both guns, points them at the blonde, said-this is a stick-up, gimme a big fudge sundae. Ok, cowboy, the blonde had put her hands up-anything you say- so she dips in the ice creme, then says to him-do you want a cherry on top--yeah,yeah, sure said Billy- so she does that, then says-how about some extra whipped creme-yeah,yeah said Billy- finally she said, how about some nuts-Yeah, sure- and she added, would you like me to crush your nuts before I sprinkle them on top-and Billy said- and how would you like me to blow off your titties?
 
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