[John in AR]

How about a thread for simple chuckle jokes to brighten up the day...



Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
Because they're dead.


What did the zebra say to the piano?
("Dad..?")


"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?"
"No."
"That's disgusting."

 

[John in AR]

You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes...

 

[John in AR]

The kids asked why their food was cold & bland.
I told them, "Because your mother put her heart & soul into it."


Yesterday as I was standing naked in front of the mirror, I thought: "I'm probably gonna get kicked out of this store."

 

[BigEd]

A REAL PEARL,🤭

Husband and Wife seated in the living room after dinner.
Wife: Ethel at work said I was a real pearl today.

Husband: Starts chuckling to himself.

Wife: Okay! What's so funny?!

Husband: Well, if you take a pearl and very carefully peel off all it's layers. Eventually you'll find a grain of sand that was once a pain in the butt to some poor oyster.

 

[John in AR]

"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the 'cool' table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital."

 

[BigEd]

"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the 'cool' table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital."

You mean all them hot single white chicks from places like Ghana, Nigeria and Bangladesh that keep sending me friend requests are crazy or fake?;.....awwww🤣

 

[Dorobuta]

shot my first turkey the other day. Of course now I'm banned from the supermarket.

People are shocked when they discover I'm a bad electrician.

 

[John in AR]

I have a pen that can write underwater. (It can write other words, too.)

I spent hours designing a pencil with two erasers, but it turned out to be pointless...

 

[BigEd]

The first time I ever heard of a universal remote control.- "Wow that changes everything!"

 

[John in AR]

My dad's remote control was: "Johnny, put it on channel 7; bowling's on."

 

[BigEd]

Yeah and for a while we had the outside TV antenna/lightning rod.
Ours was motorized and I disliked that little black box trying to get it to stop just in the right spot
So I was the remote and automatic tuner for whatever sports event was on that night 😁

 

[John in AR]

I’d forgotten motorized tv antennas. Ours wasn’t motorized, but you could turn the whole antenna pole. Usually pointed south toward detroit but if my parents weren’t home on a saturday evening I’d turn it east to catch really bad wrestling from toronto. Only guys I can recall by name from that are Sailor Art Thomas and Dick the Bruiser; hadn’t thought about them in years. 👍

 

[BigEd]

I'm trying to recall some of the earliest ones that we'd get here for wrestlers. The one good guy vs bad guy was one I can't recall his name but kind of resembled Burt Reynolds in a red white and blue out fit verses this guy pretending to be a Arab named Scandar Achbar...who was really born and raised in Oklahoma.🤣
It was all fun and actually got to see them do their act in person once. Err I mean compete in a wrestling match.

 

[John in AR]

I asked my North Korean friend how things really were over there.
He said, "I can't complain."




Stephen Hawking came back from his first date in 40 years. His glasses were smashed, and he had a broken wrist & a broken ankle.
Apparently, she stood him up.

 

[BigEd]

North Korea where walking your dog has whole different spelling.....and meaning.

 

[John in AR]