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Tips From the ******* Book of Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the
restaurant may not have dogs.

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are.

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two
years ago." (always a good opener)
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance,
such as, "ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.


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Funny Stuff!

jeff foxworthy is a total riot!

I know i'm a '*******' as i had to fight because the other kids would laugh and sing 'cherokee people' in grade school, well after thumpin'/kickin' the hell outta the 3 worst of them , they came away with a different point of veiw
[so to speak] and gave me a 'WIDE' berth past high school, and to this day!

ASLAN you should see MY home !as it is in excess of the 400k range.

not that i like to brag, but would you like to compare stocks/401k/gold bullion?

no offense norther brother[i got property in show low] I can laugh at my self
with the best of them!

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