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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he is drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?"replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to **** out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
 
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I am outraged at your portrayal of monkeys. Monkeys do more than "jump around" and "stick things up their butt and eat them". I mean sure that's what most of them do or all them do some of the time. Some of my best friends are monkeys and would be hurt deeply if they read your post. You know it's people like you that are keeping monkeys from utilizing their full potential. I mean have you ever heard of a monkey president. Or even a monkey mayor. I think we need to wake up and start recognizing monkeys as people like you and me. Wait...I guess monkeys aren't people. I guess they are stinky crap-flinging animals aren't they? Uh....never mind.
 

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"Damn dirty apes!" Charleton Heston lol
 
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