THE NEWEST MEDICATIONS FOR WOMEN
D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for
up to 8 hours.
St. M O M 'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six
hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they
were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other
drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be
a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book
by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not
now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the
wife the time and trouble of doing it herself
D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for
up to 8 hours.
St. M O M 'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six
hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they
were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other
drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be
a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book
by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not
now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the
wife the time and trouble of doing it herself
