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Well I would call this an original, but you certainly can see I relied heavily on some other guy's poem! Oh well, it is a fun rewrite with lots of artistic license!

Twas The Night Before Christmas In The Snake Room

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The shed snake skins were hung by the heat lamp with care,
In hopes that Saint Rick-of-us soon would be there;
The snakelings were nestled all snug in their beds,
With visions of fat mice constricted in their heads;
And Mamma and I in hidebox, with cloudy eyecaps,
Had just settled down for our long winter's naps,
When outside the tank there arose such a clatter,
I slithered from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the glass I crawled like a flash,
then right through the screen top I tore open a gash.
The moon on the breast of the cellar floor below
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects down low,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a sleigh pulled by 8 turtles, not tiny reindeer,
With a horned lizard driver who looked fat but quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Reptile Rick
More rapid than collared lizards his tortugas they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Boxie! now, Cooter! now, and Spotted and Map!
On, Mata! and Slider! On Myrtle and Snap!
To the top of the rack system! to the very top with care!
Now crawl away! crawl away! Don't get caught by the hare!"
Like dry shed scales that into a vacuum cleaner fly,
When they get sucked right up into the basement sky,
So up to the rack-top the tortoises they flew,
With a sleigh full of mousicles, and Reptile Rick too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard that all was very well
with a scraping sound overhead of each plastron shell.
As I drew in my forked tongue, and was slithering round,
Down the inside of my tank came Reptile Rick with a bound.
He was dressed all in spikes, from his head to his tail,
And his scales were all cold and looking quite pale;
A bundle of mousicles he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a snake keeper about to open a sack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his spikes just like armor!
His cheeks were like sandpaper, this lizard had karma!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
with the leg of an ant hanging on his chin just below;
The pincer of a harvester ant he held tight in his teeth,
And formic acid was squirted all over his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face, and a really well filled round belly,
Some ants were still alive in there cause it shook like jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old lizard,
I hoped when I saw him, to soon taste a mouse gizzard;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his tail,
Soon gave me to know that he wouldn't fail;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the shed skins; then turned with a jerk,
And laying a claw just aside of his snout,
And giving a nod, up from my tank he went out;
He crawled in his sleigh, gave to his turtles a shake of his head,
And away they all flew like scales, that in a wind he had shed.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Merry Christams, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all.

Hey Glenn....
You're quite the poet....
But, you don't even know it....
Your feet, they do show it....
They look like Longfellows!


another version (not herp related, thou)

T'was the night before doomsday
and all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring
not even the mouse.

With Mom at the whore house
and Dad smoking grass..
I had just settled down
to a nice piece of ass.

When out of the window
I heard such a clatter
I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter!!

When out on the lawn
I saw a huge dick
I knew in a moment
it must be St. Prick!

He came down the chimny
like a bat out of hell!!
I knew in a moment
that f**ker had fell!

He stuffed all the stockings
with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick
for my brother...the queer.

He rose up the chimney
with a thurderous fart!!
That son of a bitch
blew my chimney apart!!

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all
and have a hell of a night!!""

Not original, but it is the only xmas joke I can remember right now.

Jason Brennan
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